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Advice please

my son will be 8 in September and since he was 3 I have been battling with the doctors and peditrcrians. He has seen 5 different peds just as he is getting used to one and starting to trust them they leave and he gets a new one having to start back at the beginning each time which gets very frustrating for both of us. Each time they say he has behaviour problems and boarder line adhd but they don’t offer any help or support. My son has anger issues and lashes out either at me or his younger sister and he is extremely strong for his age. He is a constant live wire and bounces everywhere one min he can be fine then it is just like he snaps and explodes he has ripped my kitchen cupboard doors off kicked his bedroom door so hard that he has split the wood where the hinge is screwed into and bent the hinge he has kicked my spindles on the stair case and smashed them in half broke into my caravan with a shovel and yesterday tried to set my daughters bedroom on fire. When I sit him down to talk to him he shows no remorse and is not bothered I have got family action involved to see if they can help I have tried all different forms of punishment grounding loss of toys time out no TV no computer games everything they have suggested but nothing works. I am getting no where with doctors he is petrified of his head teacher at school as she is forever pulling him out of class and telling him off for one thing or another but when it homes down to them writing a report for the doctors or filling out the Connors report they don’t mention any of this apart from when he enters the yard at play time he is like a tornado. I am seriously at the end of my tether now things have got so bad that I am suffering from depression through this and I have been put on the sick until the doctors can get the balance right with my medication is it going to take him burning my house to the ground or seriously hurting his younger sister before anyone does anything. I have rang the peds back and told them what he has been like in the past week smashing my house up and that I can’t cope with him acting like this the earliest appointment is the end of May which I have accepted all I want is for them to determine what is going on with my son once and for all and for them to help he is a bright little boy if he is on a computer and I love him dearly I just want him to get the help he deserves sorry if I am rambling I am very frustrated about the length of time this has been going on and still not had any real help

My son is now 19 but reading your post brings me back in time. I never understood his rage or "flooding" as it is called. It is quite common in people with ADD/ADHD. The other thing is that switching meds that often would probably rock anyone's world in a bad way! Is there a way you could maybe get a record from the pharmacy or doctor's office and write down what meds he took and the length of time he took them?

I don't recall what med it was, but my son got to the point where he threatened to kill me and he pushed me down. When we talked to his doctor the next time she said it was the medicine and it was only then that I researched what he had been on and saw that for some kids this could cause behavior and anger issues. Some kids and adults report that with Ritalin for example. But not all.

I feel so much compassion for you--it felt like our whole world was revolving around him and his meds and behaviors and school issues. After you log the medications and doses and times taken I would write a formal letter to the school principal and keep a copy. Express your concerns and ask for assistance with him. Something about a letter or something in writing seems to really get the ball rolling. I found too when talking to a new doctor that I could show them the timeline and medications and it helps them determine a course of action.

In today's world of 15 minute doctor appointments, no doctor in any area has time to look at your background history and really get to know the problem or situation. You have to be involved sometimes. The school has an obligation and resources to help with him and to report his behaviors there. Maybe you could copy in the new doctor on the letter to the school and that way they are both on the hook. I am no expert, though, and an interested to hear what other folks have to say.

God Bless You! Do know that there are resources like this that can help you and your son. And that people care about you! I don't know you, but I feel your pain. Deeply. Don't give up! And please do write after the appointment and keep us posted.

Blessings!

Kari

Sharon,

I feel your pain and frustration. I agree with Kari's suggestion about keeping a log of the timing of the meds along with the behaviors you observe. You're doing a great job of trying to get to the bottom of things and it's obvious you love your son deeply. You seem like a great mom, so try to keep your head up. Things will get better.

Thanks for your replies he has not started any medication yet he has 5 different peditricains

WOWOWO it’s soo unfortunate how soo many of us go thru so much heartache and our politicians and the medical field treats the mind as and addition to health not a primAry , I feel so much for you and your child I also went thru something similar with myself when I was younger , I can only imagine how he is feeling , and ofocurse how frustrating it. Use be for you , I think our nation should put more focus on this issue mental issues have become so common and no ones seems to make this as a priority to our nation, for your case my first advice is to first try to take of yourself and give yourself soo much credit for what you are going thru and you are taking care of it despite the challenges, second ask for help, there are many kindhearted, people out there that will help you,I don’t know if you mentioned if you have asked your family members for some assistance, sorry if I m repeating myself , the bottom line is that you need not to give up and you are an amazing mom , keep faith and things will work out ,meanwhile take care of your self you need all the strength lot be able to help your son. Good luck and lots of blessing to you and your son
Sorry for my rambling in my response

Thanks it means a lot

Sharon, what kind of response did you get from Family Action? It would be great for you to have support at this time! Is it separate from the healthcare system there? You still need a pediatrician, right?

The Lincoln County Council has an Educational Psychology service that might offer assessments for add/adhd and/or learning problems, and to help to communicate with your son's school:

Email ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
Telephone 01522 554673

The replies here acknowledge how important you are to your son, and how exhausting it can be for you as his mom! I would love to see you with a support team instead of feeling alone. Be honest with yourself about your ability to cope - so far you have been coping and you love your son. You are getting the medical help you need for yourself. You have contacted Family Action. If you need help with following through on your requests for help, the County Council has contact number for parents which I'll list in my next reply (I'm afraid this reply might delete while I look, so I'll send it now).

Parenting Plus 24-hour helpline, free and confidential:

0808 800 2222

Family Action and Lincolnshire County Council need to know that you love your son and haven't been able to get him the help he deserves. If you fear that his behavior is dangerous and question your ability to cope, be honest about your need for assistance and that you need clear instructions about how to get results.

Best of luck, Sharon. I hope this helps.

Hi yes it is separate from health care system but no school can make a referral for you or a school nurse. They have been a god send to be honest as they also work closely with parent and give you guidance and support not just the child. They establish as fantastic bond with parent and listen if it was not for my case worker I would of been really struggling as it was with her help that I was diagnosed with depression and she gave me the umph to carry on.

I'm glad your caseworker helped you get treatment for the depression, and that they are team players at Family Action.Being a parent is challenging and being a kid has its ups and downs. Plenty of members here have also needed support. I think looking after our own medical needs and general health (sleep and nutrition) prepares us to meet other demands but also to enjoy good times with our kids.