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Behavior out of control

Hi i am new here. My daughter who is 11 next week was diagnosed ADHD 3 yrs ago. The last few months have been hell. She pucks fights with everyone in the house including her 3 yr old sister. Yells at her 11mth old brother and is just rude and mean to her 14yr brother.
It doesnt matter anymore what we say to her she will argue. Anything from is a reason to argue. If she packed her lunch, I could be holding it in my hand and she will argue and scream that she packed it. Her brother will get a game that came from his dads house and even if she isnt playing it at the time, according to her its not fair that he takes it and he is doing it just to be mean and get her in touch. Its so bad that i dont even want to be around her anymore. No matter what i do or say once she gets goung she wont stop. Now i just tell her she is out of control and to go to her room. Then listen to her scream and throw things for an hour.
Her younger sister is starting to copy her behavior and im afraid to leave her brother alone in a room with her since she pays no attention to what she is doing around him ir wont leave him alone at all.
To make matters worse her dad who has been told he suffers from depression and ADHD but refuses to deal with his own issues let alone listen to my suggestions on how we are supposed to help her. He just starts screaming back until it becomes verbally abusive. So i spend half my day trying not to yell at her and the other half yelling at him to stop being an ass to her.
I saw her dr last week and we uped her concerta from 1 18mg pill to 2 pills a day. I dont know if its helping at school yet since they said she has been difference there as well. With no focus and unable to sit still.
On monday if the school says there is no difference i am supposed to give her 3 pills. Then call her dr in a week.
In the meantime i dont know what to do. She is so mean and rude to her family and me. And the dr said he doesnt know how much the pills will help her behavior because it might not all be the adhd.
Is anyone else going through this? Is she acting like this because of the adhd or could she be acting out for some other reason.

Do you know if she is having issues with other classmates picking on her 1st or a difficult relationship with a teacher recently? Our daughter was doing well until we encountered a difficult teacher within this last year. She started acting out again in regards to meltdowns, anger management issues, crying spells, etc. After I addressed the issue with the Principal & he made sure the teacher was working within her 504 Plan things seem to be getting better. Though we are going in Monday to see her doctor to see if we need to adjust her Vyvanse after being on the same dose for 2 years. One thing I have found to help her is to make sure she understands certain behaviors are unacceptable, that if she feels she cannot be respectful or control herself she must remove herself or I will remove her from the situation she cannot handle. I also do ‘Hug Therapy’ where I will hold her to for 5 to 10 minutes until she calms down. This physical contact works in 2 ways, 1st it’s a protection (for her & others around her) & 2
nd it has a calming effect on her. She is not an affection person (just the opposite) but after doing this over the last year she has gotten used to me holding her tightly, after 5 to 10 minutes she is often a totally different child. Then & only then am I am able to reason with her & discuss the consequences of her actions. I do not allow her to get away with her anger management issues. I set boundaries & she knows if she crosses them she will lose the privilege of something she holds dear or loves to do for a period of time. There are times nothing works & I just have to allow her to have the meltdown.

I forgot to ask does your daughter have a 504 Plan at school?

We are canadian so no 504 plan. She is on an adapted program with tutors and the teachers try to work with her behaviors. When she starts acting out I tell her she is being mean or rude and ask her to stop or leave until she calms down. If she wont i send her downs stairs and let her know if it continues she will loose things. And i always follow through if i decide on a punishment.

For what it’s worth- I am going thru the same with my 12 year old daughter, although she is adopted and some of her behavior is due to past trauma, neglect, etc.

Have you tried having her meds reevaluated? Maybe what use to work isn’t any longer? Hormones play such a big role too. It’s very tough and I can empathize with you! Hang in there, you and she will get thru this!

Hello my name is valeri I also have a daughter with ADHD, she is 7 douth, but lately we have been true so many things like you screaming a lot at us and even if we are closed to her and suddenly she trips and falls it’s totally our fult and she screams back at us and ahhh look what you did to me, be careful with this moments because, like my daughter she keeps the idea of that it was you, I love her to death, but I understand what are you saying of being afraid, actually my daughter comes into her sense after a while just, ignore her behavior because part of what doctors told me and therapyst, is that they always ask for atention and even behaving bad it’s a way to get atention for them.
here in Florida where I live there is a school for kids with ADHD run by a doctor called Dr rizzo it’s incredible my daughter goes to public school and its also incredible the help they offer, look for something like a special school if you like, use also therapyst behavior plan which they shoul be already implenting on your daughters school my has it, social skills groups are other options and I also agree that maybe change pills, they are very different all and some work some don’t my never could take pills because they did terrible to her but also do an complete assessment of her with the doctors if you haven’t that can help

It seems to me something is deeply bothering her. There are multiple things it could be and I would rather not speculate. I personally have ADHD and recall being close to that age and having a serious hard time due to the fact that I didn't even know at the time I had ADHD (so not medicated) so school being difficult can be cause for many of her home behaviors. This is a place for her to express herself and she doesn't know how else to do it. Since medication is possibly not working to solve her educational difficulties I would suggest trying to have a heart to heart discussion with her to get to the root of what is going on. This might take several discussions due to the first few times you try discuss what's going on she might not open up. She is the only one who might know what is truly bothering her. Whether it is a learning issue, puberty, home situation, other students bothering her etc. there are so many possibilities. I really feel for you and you are really trying your best to help her and I'm sure she values that deep down. Also is she seeing a psychiatrist? My son is 6 and is diagnosed with ADHD and this has been very helpful in finding the right medication even though it is costly he is most knowledgeable about medications and treatment options. Sorry just realized this was posted in April. I just joined so getting used to this. I'd be interested in knowing how she is doing.

Samantha, how are you and your daughter? Are her behaviors any different during summer?