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Having issue with lying

#1

Does anyone else have an issue with there child lying? I mean for no good reason at all what so ever. it's getting to the point where its hard to to trust what she is saying to me. I don't want something to happen to her and she come to tell me but I don't trust what she have said to me because of all the lies I have been told. something like that will haunt me for the rest of my life. how can I get her to stop lying all the time?

I am not sure how much more my heart can take this :(

#2

Come on I know I am not the only one here out of all theses people who have a child that lie. yes I know that my child tend to lie about the smallest thing but all I am doing here is asking for advice or suggestion on how to handle this situation with out raising my voice or getting very upset. you may or may not have this issue but just because you don't have it that should not stop you from giving your opinion or suggestion on how i can handle this with out ( flying off the handle) .

#3

I can say you are not the only one! My 7 year old is doing the same thing. I am also looking for some information and tips :slight_smile:

#4

my daughter w/ADHD fibs sometimes, and I can usually tell and when I ask her if she's telling the truth, I get on her level and am very serious. I say that if she lies to me, then I will never know if she's telling the truth, which makes it hard to trust her about anything. And with that, she caves and tells the truth. This is about little things, as she is only 9, but I want her to understand that we won't put up with lying. Our children have learned growing up that lying is wrong (yours did too, I'm sure), so when I call her on it, she feels guilty. I tell her that she won't be in as much trouble if she tells me the truth as she would be in if she continues to lie.

#5

Many many many ADHDERS lie. It is a coping mechanism… that doesn’t make it acceptable. What our therapist told us is that you must bust them for the lie and consequences must be immediate and consistent. The hard part is that the consequences of lying must be discussed and defined prior to, and administered without anger (to the best of your ability at the time). We still struggle and every time the meds change or he has a growth spurt we have to start all over…
Hang in there!

#6

I have 3. All of them lie - some more than others. The teenagers are lying for the same reason as my 6 yr old. They don't want to get in trouble. ADHD kids feel like they are in trouble all the time because they are so impulsive. My son has had a bad year at school where the teachers felt he lied all the time. He probably did. Every little thing he did was pointed out to him in front of the class. Soon, the other kids recognized that he could be the fall guy for every conflict or issue and he was in trouble all day, every day. His self esteem was tremendously affected. I try to choose my battles at home so he is not constantly 'in trouble', and make a concerted effort to recognize good choices through the day. He lies less to me at home. The other thing I have done since my kids were little was to make the consequence for lying double that of the initial transgression. It has to be significant enough for them to realize that lying creates a bigger problem for them. Regardless, they all still lie. I've just gotten better at catching them! ;)

#7

Its not a lonely world after all.

My 12 yr old son is a consistent lier. He lies for anything and everything and it is really difficult to trust him. In fact his lies are so artfully concealed that people tend to fall for it. Yes! he is also the fall guy of his classs & gets rebuked for every other occuring in class. In India teachers are yet to sensitive towards ADHD pupils and the are taken as straight foolish brats who are to kicked out. To add to complications my wife is also a severe Depression patient and and can get severly physical while tackling my child.

He lies and we failed to convince him otherwise.

At present we are struggling to prevent the school from kicking our child out.

#8

My boys are grown now, but when they were young they lied sometimes, too. I imagine they still do but they know better now and much prefer friends who are honest with them. I was always surprised, but they didn't do it to hurt my feelings. I suggested to them that if they thought a lie was necessary, what they wanted to do was probably a bad idea, like a warning sign that there's trouble somewhere.

#9

I lied a lot when I was younger, still do sometimes now. Literally knowing it’s an obvious lie, but did it anyway. I would take things from my sister, get caught, and deliberately lie to my parents face knowing they know what I did. It was very hard to deal with and I’m sure it was 10 times as hard for my parents since they didn’t know why I was doing this.

I’ve noticed the quote, “Idol hands are the Devil’s playground”, to be far too true for a child with ADD/ADHD. A lying child is asking for support. Looking for acceptance and only getting negative attention because they have a very hard time controlling their actions.

If this helps, my father and I set up a weekend once a month to do whatever I wanted, as long as it was something we could do together. We would go to breakfast, camping, fishing, bike rides, and even just sit together and have funny guy talks. I got to pick what we did as long as it was something we both could do. It helped a lot with some of my depression issues.

If your child is lying continuously, it’s more than likely unavoidable to get him to stop. However, I feel positive moments in your child’s life will definitely help eliminate the negative actions.

Hope my input is helpful. It makes me feel good to at least try and help others. :slight_smile:

#10

The worst part about my child lying is the fact that she have no one to blame it on ( she the only child) but at the same time that will not stop her from doing it. she will blame the dog blame the weather blame it on anyone or anything as long as she think she can get away with it, you can watch her do something and just as fast as you see her do it will be as fast she come up with a lie on how she didn't do it. each day I tell her that lying is not the way to go. you can get in more trouble with a lie then the truth. she 8 and she old enough to understand. she not only doing this at home she does it at school as well. its one of those things where she get a lie in her head and no matter what you tell her its the truth to her and the adults are wrong. its a struggle each and every day.

#11

Making a short list of things your daughter would enjoy that you could both do together would mean you'd both be ready when you wanted to take a break from your routine. Parenting takes so much energy it seems like time for fun is a luxury but it's a necessity, too, just to refresh ourselves. If you and your daughter like some of the same ideas it would be a win/win. :)
Daniel said:

I lied a lot's when I was younger, still do sometimes now. Literally knowing it's an obvious lie, but did it anyway. I would take things from my sister, get caught, and deliberately lie to my parents face knowing they know what I did. It was very hard to deal with and I'm sure it was 10 times as hard for my parents since they didn't know why I was doing this.

I've noticed the quote, "Idol hands are the Devil's playground", to be far too true for a child with ADD/ADHD. A lying child is asking for support. Looking for acceptance and only getting negative attention because they have a very hard time controlling their actions.

If this helps, my father and I set up a weekend once a month to do whatever I wanted, as long as it was something we could do together. We would go to breakfast, camping, fishing, bike rides, and even just sit together and have funny guy talks. I got to pick what we did as long as it was something we both could do. It helped a lot with some of my depression issues.

If your child is lying continuously, it's more than likely unavoidable to get him to stop. However, I feel positive moments in your child's life will definitely help eliminate the negative actions.

Hope my input is helpful. It makes me feel good to at least try and help others. :)