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Life With ADD/ADHD - Online Support Group

Help!

My son. (8) has just been confirmed with ADHD after a series of specialist appointments. We have tried managing without medication but it has affecting his school and are now trialing medication to help him focus. My problem has become his dad, who isn’t overly involved in my sons life and hasn’t been actively involved with the decision making is very adamant that there is no such thing as ADHD and that it must be the way I parent. Has anyone experienced this ignorance in confronting an ex / family member and has any tips on how I can approach his dad about the medication without getting blasted with abuse?
Thank you for any help in advance! !!!

I don't have that experience, but my advice would be to ignore the dad's comments. Unless he wants to spend more time with his son and take him to appointments and see the ADHD in person, then he really has no right to say anything about it. ADHD can be very frustrating for a parent to deal with in their child and obviously he hasn't seen that. You just keep up the good work and do what will benefit your son the most! My 9 yr old daughter has ADHD due to a brain injury (AVM bleed) as a baby and we tried medications for 3 1/2 years, some worked for awhile then wore off and some didn't help at all. But that is because her ADHD isn't hereditary. Best of luck to you and your son!

Unfortunately, this dad's ignorance about ADHD will affect you and your son just with the stress it will cause in your relationship. For his son's sake he needs to take responsibility for educating himself on ADHD. If he doesn't believe you he needs to go to the doctor visits and hear it from them. Is your son receiving any behavioral therapy along with the medication? Ask your therapist for suggestions on getting the dad to at least give the medication a try. Good luck and keep doing what you know is right for your son.

Thanks so much! I have some amazing books I can lend him but he hasn’t been interested in the past when I have brought it up but I will try again :slight_smile: . My mini man isn’t receiving behavior therapy with his therapist but he is using stress balls and foam cushions along with marble jars, journals and positive re- enforcement at school and home which have been working well for him and he seems to respond well to.

I am so sorry you are going through this! I come from a family of ADHDers who are adamantly opposed to medication of any kind (including vaccines). My son has ADD in that the hyperactive component so present in my mother & brother isn't there. As I tearfully accepted our pediatricians suggestion we try medication I knew I was in for a battle. Very slowly my family has come to the realization that I made the right decision for my son.

One of the things that has helped my son tremendously is actually sitting on a stability ball (not the pad they put in the chair - the difference is astounding). Behavioral therapy also helped my son be able to "own" his ADD and not be afraid to tell his ADHD cousin that he takes meds and he feels better with them.

It is definitely NOT bad parenting! Hang in there!!!

Wow that’s tough, I’m glad they’re coming around. I will have to look into behavior therapy, I’ve tried to be as open as I can when I talk about it with my son and keep the communication going and his response from the trial so far is he feels “less busy” so I know I’m doing the best for him and his focus.

My ex-husband went to a few of the therapy appointments and then quit. It was on me to follow through. In our divorce we agreed to go to an arbitrator if there were disagreements, and he failed to show for that appointment so the agreement defaulted to me. The arbitrator told me that in his experience, a parent can't be forced to go to counseling or appointments and it's better for everyone that I go ahead and do what I, doctors or therapists decide is right for my children.

I'm concerned about the "blasted with abuse" part. Do you have a plan for dealing with that if confronted? Do you see a counselor who can advise you? If you're split up, you can limit interactions that are unproductive. If dad is against medication that's his opinion. Being abusive to you won't change your opinion any more than you being abusive to him would change his. I think having a plan for when ex's disagree is important, to make room for your son and his healthy growth as a priority. I found a phone number and link for Relationships Australia which can be place to start:

1300 364 277

www.relationships.org.au

Thanks Artfish! Most of the abuse I get is usually in a form of a text message, if there is nothing that can be resolved I just leave it and don’t bother replying. I would really like us to be on the same page and have set up a face to face meeting with my partner and his his wife to come along (they are part of my son’s circle and the more people around the better the chances of it being civilized conversation, my thoughts through SMS messages were it is so easy to take out of context) and
planning on going through how my sons behaviour got to that point of trialing medication and I have notes from his teachers to back me up. I was also going to invite him to see the psychologist with me along with some great reading material if he wanted to read up about it. If he chooses not to then it’s his choice but I’ll definitely give that number a call for.more advice :slight_smile:

A meeting with the psychologist would be great - let the psychologist guide you how that might work. The psychologist may recommend a particular book. I know it takes extra energy to coordinate things and it sounds like you’re being proactive with sharing the information you as parents need, and that’s great. Best of luck!