Things were going so well. For almost 2 years we have managed. It has been a struggle, but we have managed. This year my 14 year old went into HS, which meant he had to return to public school. I was beyond nervous, but he had come so far. To say it has been an epic failure is understating it. He has reverted to old behaviors, he is unorganized, he is moody. And now we have caught him smoking weed in his bedroom. This was an issue in the past. His returning to school with his friends hinged on keeping his nose clean. He had everything to lose…and yet he went down that road. He told a kid, whose last name he doesn’t even know, who is out of HS, where we live, met up with him and was “given” 3 joints. The red flags going up are uncountable. Nothing is for free. What does this 19 year old want with my 14 year old…and so on. Just three days prior he and I had a long talk about just this, yet he lied directly to my face and did it anyway. I know he is struggling, our entire family is struggling. We try to help him and he doesn’t want it. His grades suck. I get the organization issue. I get some of this is normal 14 year old issues. But he is getting to an age that he can’t manage himself and the only people that want to be around him are the ones that use him for their clown and entertainment. His peers, his football coach, none of them understand that sometimes he just can’t help it. He can’t remember his cleats, he can’t calm down or keep his hands to himself. He is a good kid. He is smart, he is generous, he is handsome, he’s a hard worker…I want people to see him like I see him. I worry that he is being judged constantly based on things he can’t control. That we as parents are being judged and that he is becoming “that kid”. I hurt, my heart breaks. I love him so very very much and I just don’t know how to fix this. I am sick with worry…literally, my doctor diagnosed me with severe anxiety and IBS all related to stress associated with worrying about my son. I feel guilty because I find myself thinking “why can’t he just be normal”. Or if he only had ADHD or only kidney disease…but both and now the drugs. How am I supposed to do this? Where did I go wrong? How can I save him if I feel like I can’t even save myself at this point? I am embarrassed and feel so alone. It is ripping my family apart. And right now I almost want to let it go…I’m tired and the fight in me is gone. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t focus. I am consumed by this worry, this heartache, this loneliness and feelings of failure.
Would you have a moment to reach out to your fellow member and parent in need, Ninja Sue? The link in your email should take you directly to the community support site. If it’s your first log in since we changed platforms, simply follow the instructions at the end of this message.
Here’s my message to NinjaSue
We understand your worries about your son: any of us would be worried, and many of us have been worried about similar issues. It’s not easy. I’ve decided to broadcast this message to your fellow members, in the hope that someone will reach out to you soon.
Hang in there!
Seenie from Moderator Support
Logging back into our new platform for the first time:
- Go to lifewithadd.org
- Enter your email address where it says “username”
- Say you forgot your password (even if you remember it)
- Check your email (and the spam folder if it doesn’t appear in your inbox) for instruction for setting your password.
Boy do I know how you feel. Our son is 12 and though we aren’t dealing with the drug issue, I feel like it is right around the corner. He was diagnosed with ADHD in 2nd grade and it has been down hill ever since. He has been on EVERY medication out there! He can’t focus and he struggles with impulsivity which keeps him in trouble at home and school. He has broken or torn up so many things in our home. He lies constantly but then later confesses. We put him in a private school this year that we can’t really afford hoping to give him a fresh start. He has no friends but if you ask him he has a lot. He craves attention at school. Always going to the school nurse for bogus aliments. He is a very sweet, kind, personable young boy and we know he can’t help being who he is. He also has a lot of anxiety and sees a therapist weekly. Right now he is on 15mg of Focalin XR and a low dose of Prozac. We can’t see that either one of them are helping. Trying to get out the door for school every morning ends up in screaming telling him to hurry up and constant reminders to brush his teeth and hair. He can’t remember assignments and I am constantly emailing teachers. He also has sensory processing issues. Constantly putting non-food items in his mouth. He went to the nurse at school yesterday because he stuck a ball of tissue up his nose and couldn’t get it out. Second time he has done this. He has swallowed a small metal ball bearing. The list goes on. I cry almost every day worried about him and his future. So many days I just want to throw in the towel. Our family is in chaos. We are at a loss as to what else to do for him. We are just sad.