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Issues with close family friends

My 7 year old has ADHD we took her to wonderland and she had a meltdown at the end of the day. One of our close family friends started talking down to her in front of he other kids and has been doing this for a while. Have any of you dealt with this before and how do I try and make her understand that we are trying to work on this and just learning as we go. Any help would be appreciated! Also help on how to avoid meltdowns. Thanks :slight_smile:

My 9 yr old daughter has ADHD due to a brain injury so may be a little different with the melt-downs, but I totally understand how frustrating it is and hard to explain to others who haven't dealt with a child with ADHD. It is a learn as you go thing, like you said. Our daughter just responds to getting back into the routine of the day after a long day that's not the normal routine. If out and about, we talk her through most meltdowns by changing her focus onto good things. It's hard to do sometimes though, especially if it's already bedtime. We like the baths, teeth, book and prayers right before bed routine. It's easier for her if we don't have her up too much past her normal bed time (which is 8-8:30, even in the summer). Once it gets 8:45 or 9:00, it is so much harder to get her calmed down for bedtime. Some days are worse than others for us, with her melt downs. Have you ever tried the Hyland's Calm & Restful tablets? http://hylands.com/products/hylands-4-kids-calm-%E2%80%99n-restful We gave our daughter those before church Sunday and it seemed to help a lot. Didn't make her sleepy but she sat still better and didn't have a meltdown in church for once. Our doctor also said Melatonin is safe (esp for bedtime) to help calm her down and settle down. Hope this all helps, you are not alone!

I totally understand your difficulty with others dealing with meltdowns. I have frequently had well meaning family/friends try to 'help' with my 6 yr old ADHD boy. I personally, find it annoying when others intervene - as if they have some magical solution that I have yet to discover. Even though I know it is due to their lack of knowlege about ADHD behaviours not being intentional, it still irks. My son is hyper sensitive - especially when he is overtired. I have been trying to get him to understand what the meltdown is about (are you angry, scared, hurt, frustrated..) if he can identify the source, I can address it more easily, and fortunately he is becoming very good at determining the source of his emotional outburst. Being reminded that he has successfully calmed himself down in the past also encourages him to try to find a way to settle himself. At least he feels that he can manage and does not feel chastised for something that he feels is out of his control. Don't know if this is in any way helpful, but it is the only way I know to approach things here.

My son does not have a lot of meltdowns, but I deal sometimes with certain ADHD like lost of focus, or have to repeat directions etc. I did not wanted to continue explaining myself or my son's behavior. So what I did was, I sent an email with blind copy (bcc) to our closest family members and friends. It is important to educate others about ADHD and any other diagnoses your daughter might have. Also, please note I did BLIND Copy because no needed people replying everyone about their feelings. With a blind copy I was able to answer questions directly and also, I said to them... I accepted their advice, is good to hear them out... that does not mean you will do what they say...but perhaps they will give you a different perspective.

I have also sent emails about my son's dealing with Cerebral Palsy and his feelings. If they are loved ones around him they will be receptive... and perhaps next time be more pro-active rather than criticizing these episodes... If you do not like when someone else talks to your daughter, speak up... kindly remove the child to the side and tell the person that you will handle it... then handle it... you know your daughter better than anyone....

My email looked as follows:

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Hello
​ Friends and Family,
When you get a moment please read the following link. This article pretty much summarizes the true about day to day ADHD living. (son's name) is a fighter though because His struggles He tends to doubt himself. This article was an eye opening for me. (son's name) has expressed to me many of these feelings. Something to think about, I know we all have struggles but when you are 9 year old boy, everything you mostly need is love and support and lots and lots of patience...
​I must admit the last one runs short from time to time and I know yours do too... ​


​Also, I want to thank each and one of you for your support and love towards (son's name). We as parents we will continue to try to do our best, encouraging him, loving him, disciplining him​, and learning new tools to help him excel in life.

​​
http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/28/10146.html

Attached also, is the PDF file.

With love,

Mom's Name

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Hope this helps you or allows you to give a different approach. Do not stress to much.

5-whatIwishmyteachersandloveoneswouldknow.pdf (36.1 KB)