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Just when you think it can't get any worse

Just when I think that we are on the right track. Trying some natural supplements, getting on track with school it all comes tumbling down. Last week my 12 year old got caught with weed at school. It appears he decided to start self medicating. The worst part is he was turned in by a friend and teammate. Now if this was due to concern I would be fine, but it was malicious and then he and his mother denied it and we found out he was spreading rumors about it. Because we don't have enough on our plate right now. So, said son was kicked off the football team. He has been suspended for 8 days not to mention losing his electronics and his internet use is gone for the foreseeable future due to the fact he learned how to make a homemade pipe for his weed on youtube. Oh did I mention we will have a court date soon.

So we found a therapist, we are working with a local martial arts program and this AM I found his phone (who knows where he found it) under his pillow. When asked what he was doing with it he admits he had been watching youtube videos. This is not how we gain our parents trust back. I am almost more concerned about his addiction to youtube than the weed. He thinks everything he watches there is the gospel and fine and safe to "try at home".

He does not seem to understand the severity of what he has done and almost acts as if we are the bad guys because we are mad and punishing him. He told his father (from the couch this AM) that he was not going to leave if his father was not going to get him whatever it was he wanted. Dictating from the throne....we did not raise him this way. He is rude, he is disrespectful...I just don't know what to do.

Dealing with his unmedicated ADHD and kidney disease is enough. How am supposed to deal with this also?

NinjaSue, you'll be able to deal with it. It might be really hard sometimes. A child and adolescent psychologist might be helpful, positive discipline, a parenting group - I didn't do it alone.

We had a similar incident in our family. I wanted to find out who had turned my child in, but that didn't really matter. The school wasn't going to be sympathetic. It was hard for me to sort out how I was going to be supportive of my student and teach discipline at the same time. The direct, natural consequence of behavior is a good teacher. Hang on.

Thanks....I was told who turned him in after the fact. But what I told people when the asked prior to that and even now, was that it did not matter and did not change the fact.

We are working with the school and everyone is on the same page as far as I know. We did find a good therapist...she specializes in equine therapy. So far it seems to work for him. He started martial arts yesterday and the expectation there are good solid ones that he was told WILL carry over to home, school and life in general. I think the ability to "hit" some one in a safe controlled environment will be helpful not to mention the physical activity of it. Crossing my fingers the combination of the this and the therapy will be just what we need.

He and his dad are signing his legal paperwork with the school this AM. We are trying to prepare him for the fallout and drama he will deal with when he goes back to school. Poor kid...my heart breaks for him. Middle School is hard enough. He wrote a paper for therapy on what ADHD was and what it meant to him etc...he indicated in it that kids judge you and you try to be something you are not to fit in.

He has the support. I just hope he uses it....I guess I need to practice what I preach. I have been shutting everyone out and isolating myself. Just don't want to deal with people.....

Cannabis works on the dopamine receptors in the brain and can be very helpful with ADHD symptoms. I am not surprised he tried to self-medicate (only one of mine has so far...) Marijuana affects the dopamine levels in the brain - the same chemical that stimulant meds work on.

The problem with using 'street marijuana', is that it has been hybridized to the point where the THC levels are too high relative to the CBD levels. THC is the chemical that produces the 'high' feeling. CBD is the compound with actual therapeudic properties, but it has been bred out of the weed for sale on the streets. Medical marijuana should not get a person high as it contains CBD - not THC.

I do not know if you live in a place where medical marijuana is a possibility, or how you feel about it, but I spoke with my daughter about it when she was self-medicating. The other thing to try is to make him watch 'The Downside of High'. It is a documentary by David Suzuki detailing the links between schizophrenia and the use of weed to self medicate.

My 2 cents. And a ton of poistive energy sent your way to help cope.

Thanks...Medical Marijuana is legal in our state. Had not really thought of it for my son, but it is worth looking into. I am not surprise at him trying so much as sad that he felt he needed to due to the fact that he is having issues with people judging him at school and so on. Parenting is not for the weak of heart that is for sure!

I am so sorry you are going through this! I know life sometimes feels like we are living in a waterfall and our umbrella is leaking...

Martial Arts has been a lifesaver for my 12 year old. We still have issues, but respect is not one of them. Our TKD Master will even take my son aside and encourage him individually while still expecting the utmost respect and compliance. He follows up with me, and will add a little extra cardio on bad days.

I have found that the schools have become so rigid that innovative solutions are not possible. We are struggling with the school's "zero tolerance" policies which state if a physical altercation occurs and no adult is there to witness it, all parties are punished. ...even the kid just sitting in the lunch room who is attacked from behind and defends himself... :(

Hang in there! You can only do the best that you can do!

Ya school is kinda one of those "please God let us get through another day" things right now. All the busy work and computer time is not helpful at all. However, he LOVES the martial arts so far - way more than the therapy. I don't blame him there it is kinds dull and for what we are doing - which is nothing so far - we are spending a ton of money!

Hi ninja sue. I going through the exact same thing with my 16 yr old son (minus kidney issues) 12 seems to be the “switch on” age. We have been dealing with these issues since he was 12. You’re not alone. I’m here to chat anytime:)
Tracey