My story is...complicated, at best. While I have never been "officially" diagnosed with ADD/ADHD by a psychiatrist/psychologist, I have been self-diagnosed and diagnosed by a family Doctor. By self-diagnosed, I mean to say that I have friends that have ADD and have spoken at length about my symptoms. It was suggested that I take a few tests online. I completed around 20 different tests, and read a lot if literature which all pointed to ADD/ADHD. After which, I spoke with my family Dr. and he suggested that I try medication (I was completing my masters at the time - about a month ago).
Stop. Rewind....to the beginning.
- At the end of grade 1 my parents were told that I should be held back because I "wouldn't stop talking to other students." I was held back.
- My mother says that I have always been a little OCD. Always washing my hands and keeping my belongings in "mint" condition. (Ask me about taking my personal books to school).
- Throughout school I loved to read, write, and be generally creative. Although, it would often take me twice as long to read something.
- I have always been highly emotional and very hyper-active. Often running through the house singing and dancing (still do).
- At around 18 years old I became depressed. I was working nights, stocking shelves, and had just broken up with my girlfriend. She told me that I was depressed and should go see a doctor. I did, and have been on anti-depressants ever since. I am not sure that I ever needed to be on anti-depressants, but it has been so long, that I am afraid of coming off of them.
- Over the next decade, I would work too many jobs to count (never seem to find something that fits my personality), as well as, go to University for many different occupations (again, never finding anything that feels right).
- Throughout my life I have always been extremely creative, but never seem to be able to finish (or sometimes start) any of my writing projects.
- I eventually developed anxiety and IBS, while my depression and OCD worsened (including unwanted thoughts).
- I have been in the same relationship for 12 years (married for three), but it has always been a struggle. I am extremely undependable, forgetful, horrible with money, need my space, emotionally unstable, anxiety ridden, negative, always late, interrupt conversations, and struggle to find purpose. While I constantly work on each of these aspects, and some have greatly improved, I still struggle.
- Since I was diagnosed with ADD, I have spoken to my family and friends and many of them say, "well, duh!" But, I have also realized that my father is incapable of sitting still, and constantly looking for something to "do". I also seem to have slight dyslexia, have always been a horrible speller, and can't seem to process grammar. I love to write, and would be extremely happy pursuing a path towards becoming an author, however I struggle to stick with any one project.
Well, that is my life, in brief. I am now 31 and need to make a change. I am still depressed, anxious, ocd, and suffer from IBS. I still have trouble finding contentment in the workforce and, while I just completed my masters in cultural studies, I still struggle to find a purpose. Currently I am trying Lisdexamfetamine Dimes, and don't really know what to think about it. I seem to be able read considerable faster, and focus on tasks for longer periods of time. However, I am taking 60 mg and feel unsure about the repercussions of such a high dose.
If anyone can offer any sort of help, anything at all, it would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you all so very much,