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New and need support

#1

Where to start. I am new to this site. My son was diagnosed last spring with both ADD (only slightly) HD (off the chart) and a bit of defiance disorder. He had a rough year last year in school and was beginning to feel bad about himself and that no matter what he did he was not good enough so we decided to test him. However the down side of this is that he was diagnosed with kidney disease at the same time and due to this is unable to take any sort of medication that might help him. We struggled to get through the end of the school year and when summer came was relieved. Now school has started and he is having a hard time - not that he will admit it - but is exhibiting classic symptoms of his ADHD when in stressful situations. I am so worried about him on so many levels and so frustrated with him and his attitude at the same time. I just don't know what to do. I don't want him to be misunderstood and I don't want to have the constant rollercoaster of emotions that seem to be his every waking hour while he is at home. To top it all off I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder that is partially a result to all the worrying I do about him. I don't blame him at all...it is just part of the fall out as a worried mother but it sometimes makes dealing with him harder than it needs to be on both of us and my husband. I am here looking for support, hoping to be told we are not alone and hoping to find helpful ideas on how to deal with all this. We have had two days of school and two nights of melt downs....we are not off to a good start.....any and all advice and support is appreciated.

#2

I understand and you are not alone. We haven't started school yet, but I'm worried about what with happen with a new teacher and a different setting. We have opted to not do meds, we want him to learn coping mechanisms without meds. I did hear about a weighted sensory blanket that helps with sleeping and possibly sitting while doing work. I will probably use it at home first to see how it works, but if it works at home I'll have him bring it to school. Do you have an IEP for him? The school should be able to help him.

#3

Hi

sorry to hear what you are going through

May I ask have you modified his diet - my ADHD now 9 year old is very very sensitive to artifical colours flavors preservatives - corn syrup is a nightmare and all things corn based

He cannot have anything high salicylates - they send him really hyper - that includes many fruits ie citrus fruits pineapple and all red berries

The diet is not a cure but it sure helps

#4

Welcome! My brother is unmedicated (now in a professional in his 40’s). You defiantly need to look into a 504 or IEP and diet really is a big deal w Adhd.
A couple of things we have found really help with my son are sitting on a stability ball in class and at home for homework. It makes an amazing difference and can be written into a 504 or IEP. The other thing is the use of a “fidget”. He has used stress balls, worry stones etc… now that he is in Jr. High he has opted for a necklace with a pendant so it’s not so obvious.
Hang in there!
You will find a solution! It’s not easy, but they are out there!

#5

Thank you all for responding. He does have a 504 and we are going to the school next week to review and update as needed. He had a fidget chair last year, but I don't think it did much for him. He is VERY sensitive to sugar and red dye, but I never thought about corn (which he would eat at every meal if I let him). He has cystic kidney disease and is already on a low to no salt...which means lots of the food he can eat is higher in sugar for flavoring. We try to watch that as well and cook/make A LOT of our own food....even BBQ sauce and such. He has started to like having his AM coffee before school and he uses stevia to sweeten that. I will have to look into the diet thing though...might help out.

I am just happy to have found this site and people who understand what we are going through and have the support to get through it. I love him with all my heart and want to help him be the best he can be and not worry about being punished all the time for actions he can't help.


Last year after an episode at school that I had had enough because they took his class trip away for telling a girl she was stupid (after she had been kicking him) and I went to the school in full Mama Bear mode the principal had the nerve to tell me that his lack of impulse control had nothing to do with his ADHD....his teacher was rewarding him with candy and then mad at him for getting so wound up....Hoping that this year and new school will be a bit more supportive.

#6

I so hear you with the Mumma Bear and the school's overreaction

My son in Year 1 had his desk moved from the others and placed at the wall with him facing away from the other students - she called it learning ! I already discussed this with her and counsellor and she said she wouldnt do it again - but she did ! Boy did I let her have it !

What sort of teacher gives candy to kids as a reward ????? a bad one !

Hope your new school works out for you all

#7

When I think the days of punishing kids (like the desk incident) are over I hear a story like this one. I'm glad you are fearless when it comes to correcting teachers. That's teamwork!

#8

Hello welcome!
We are in long process of finding out if my son, 6. Has ADHD, and then some, I totally relate to worrisome mama and being over the behavior. Some days are better than others but we don’t have to put our son in public school. He is homeschooled and it is I think better, we have to take frequent breaks but I feel we can get a lot done but staying on track can be hard, we use a timer for keeping on track.
I am glad you wrote- we all need to help each other. I think the more I praise my son the better he is, I try to ignore annoying or behaviors to get attention.

#9

We updated his 504 last week. School had no idea he was unmedicated or why....love the communication in our schools. He seems to be doing OK....one bus incident, but that was with a friend who is a bit dramatic and LOVES attention no matter how she gets it. The meeting with his new team was great and so far I think everyone is on the same page. The one thing I find odd and a bit upsetting is that he has always been a good student A's & B's...his assessment tests have always been above the class, district and sometimes state average...but all of a sudden we find that he needs to be put into a Title One reading class due to his reading level. How was this never caught before or why did it just show up. I know he has a hard time sitting and focusing on reading especially if he is not interested, but to go from the top to the bottom over a summer...does not seem right to me. I am happy he is getting the help he needs, I just wonder what happened.

Stargirl I have to remind my husband all the time (not in front of my son) that he needs to back off a bit and try and ignore some of his behaviors and to have more patience with him. He does not always understand that the poor kid can't help it. He is not trying to be annoying or obnoxious it just comes out...

Oh and E has been separated from the class in the past - well last year with the teacher from hell. Singling him out. He told me over and over last year that he thought she hated him. That always makes a mother feel good. And when I went in after I had finally had it and went postal on them I was the one overacting and at fault. Makes me so angry sometimes still and I have to remind myself to let it go...new year, new school, new teachers and staff.

#10

I have two sons and both had a pull-out for reading group in elementary school. The school recommended it, we did it, and it worked out well.

I think it's a way to bring kids up to a certain level before more reading is demanded of them in third and fourth grades. There are developmental variations in all kids and addressing the need for more focused reading and writing time was a real plus for my boys.