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#1

Hello All,

My 7 year old is newly diagnosed (not quite a year). I’m still trying to figure it all out. My husband is in denial. My other family members keep sending things that say giving my son meds is like giving him cocaine because he is being controlled by drugs. I want to help my child. I want to be a good parent. How do I know if I’m helping or harming? My culture (african-american) doesn’t really believe in ADHD or medicating kids. However, I have worked with kids with special needs for many years and I noticed it almost immediately in my son. I also think he may be on the higher end of the spectrum for Autism (although the doctor’s say no). The materials I have read said that sometimes there are combinations and sometimes the symtoms mimick one another. I feel lost. I just need help with my boy. He’s a sweet boy and very loving. He’s smart but gets frustrated easily. He also has a hard time controlling his temper and tends to whine like a two year old. He has lots of food allergies and seasonal allergies so I’m worried about the medicine although his doctor and I keep a good watch on him. I guess I just needed to be able to say out loud my fears and doubts to those who understand. Thank you all for listening and I pray for all of you and your babies.

#2

Your post touched my heart. You expressed how so many parents feel, how I as a mom felt when my children were little ones. I hope you work well with and like your son's doctor because that really helps. I know you'll make good decisions about any treatment for your child. You also consider how others in your family feel which is very respectful and I hope family members will respect your decisions, too. Best wishes to you and your son, Abeulita, and welcome to our site!

#3

Don't EVER feel bad for making decisions that you know are right for your child. It is very easy for people to look on and say "he's just hyper....he doesn't need medication. It does more harm than good." But those are not parents who live yours or your son's life. While I am not saying that medication is the right choice for everyone, it makes me very angry when one parent tells another they are harming their child by giving them medication for ADHD

I work in cell biology research and have read so much on ADHD. I look at it this way. There is definitely something different in the brains of ADHD kids. We know that. They act differently, and they have challenges other kids don't have. Their brain chemistry is different, and they are possibly missing (or have less) chemicals in their brain that other kids have. So why wouldn't we try to balance those chemicals for them??? What if NOT giving them medication actually doesn't allow their brains to develop in the way that other kids do? Everyone talks about putting chemicals in to our kids bodies like its a bad thing. But our bodies are FULL of chemicals that we needs to function. Not all chemicals are bad.

No one would EVER say to the parent of a diabetic child, "I can't believe you are pumping them full of insulin." I don't see how providing medication to an ADHD kid (that responds well to it) is any different. Their brains need help.

Every parent of an ADHD kid has seen the almost immediate change in our child when we get the medication that works for them. It breaks my heart to watch my son struggle when he can't control his own thoughts and behaviour. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like for them to live like that....constantly in over-drive.

So when we found meds that worked, and I saw a happy calm boy who wanted to do his homework, and who wanted to go to school again, no one can tell me I made the wrong choice. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

There are a great group of people on here. Drop a line whenever you feel frustrated or tired. It's a bumpy road, having an ADHD child. But we have all been where you are, and we know how easy it is to start to doubt the decisions you make for your child. But you of all people have his best interests at heart. Don't forget that.

Take care.

#4

Welcome! I grew up in a home with multiple ADHDers, where medicine was poison and everything could be prevented or cured with food or supplements, so I get your frustration.

My son has inattentive ADHD whereas all the others in my family have classic ADHD. The decision to medicate in the face of opposition was one of the hardest I have ever had to make. We tried all of the holistic things I could find first.

Hang in there! You know your son best! Just trying makes you the best parent for your child. :D

A couple of things I have found that really help with frustration (especially at homework time) are music (without lyrics - our favorite is Classical for studying on Pandora), sitting on a stability ball, and martial arts. My brother is now a DC and still sits on a stability ball to get his paperwork done.

#5

Thank you for your reply. It's so confusing at times. I do appreciate this site. Thank you for your kind words.

ArtFish said:

Your post touched my heart. You expressed how so many parents feel, how I as a mom felt when my children were little ones. I hope you work well with and like your son's doctor because that really helps. I know you'll make good decisions about any treatment for your child. You also consider how others in your family feel which is very respectful and I hope family members will respect your decisions, too. Best wishes to you and your son, Abeulita, and welcome to our site!

#6


Thank you so much for your kind words. Like you, I see so much improvement in my son. He even said he feels better. In fact, he said his brain doesn't feel like its "going, going" (his words). He is happier because now he gets stickers at the end of the day for being able to sit and complete tasks. He loves to show me that at the end of the day. He can also get through his homework a lot easier. Deep down I know it's best for him. I just don't want to be accused of lazy parenting because "medicating" is the easy way to deal with his ADHD. I adore my son and I want the best for him. Thank you again.
Nic MacJay said:

Don't EVER feel bad for making decisions that you know are right for your child. It is very easy for people to look on and say "he's just hyper....he doesn't need medication. It does more harm than good." But those are not parents who live yours or your son's life. While I am not saying that medication is the right choice for everyone, it makes me very angry when one parent tells another they are harming their child by giving them medication for ADHD

I work in cell biology research and have read so much on ADHD. I look at it this way. There is definitely something different in the brains of ADHD kids. We know that. They act differently, and they have challenges other kids don't have. Their brain chemistry is different, and they are possibly missing (or have less) chemicals in their brain that other kids have. So why wouldn't we try to balance those chemicals for them??? What if NOT giving them medication actually doesn't allow their brains to develop in the way that other kids do? Everyone talks about putting chemicals in to our kids bodies like its a bad thing. But our bodies are FULL of chemicals that we needs to function. Not all chemicals are bad.

No one would EVER say to the parent of a diabetic child, "I can't believe you are pumping them full of insulin." I don't see how providing medication to an ADHD kid (that responds well to it) is any different. Their brains need help.

Every parent of an ADHD kid has seen the almost immediate change in our child when we get the medication that works for them. It breaks my heart to watch my son struggle when he can't control his own thoughts and behaviour. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like for them to live like that....constantly in over-drive.

So when we found meds that worked, and I saw a happy calm boy who wanted to do his homework, and who wanted to go to school again, no one can tell me I made the wrong choice. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

There are a great group of people on here. Drop a line whenever you feel frustrated or tired. It's a bumpy road, having an ADHD child. But we have all been where you are, and we know how easy it is to start to doubt the decisions you make for your child. But you of all people have his best interests at heart. Don't forget that.

Take care.

#7


Thank you. We have tried the classical music and he enjoys it. He plays the piano. I have been thinking about enrolling him in martial arts so maybe we will give that a try. We tried swimming for a little while but he kept getting ear infections so we are going to wait and try again in the summer. Thank you for all the encouragement.
kfwellman said:

Welcome! I grew up in a home with multiple ADHDers, where medicine was poison and everything could be prevented or cured with food or supplements, so I get your frustration.

My son has inattentive ADHD whereas all the others in my family have classic ADHD. The decision to medicate in the face of opposition was one of the hardest I have ever had to make. We tried all of the holistic things I could find first.

Hang in there! You know your son best! Just trying makes you the best parent for your child. :D

A couple of things I have found that really help with frustration (especially at homework time) are music (without lyrics - our favorite is Classical for studying on Pandora), sitting on a stability ball, and martial arts. My brother is now a DC and still sits on a stability ball to get his paperwork done.