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New to the group!

#1

Hello fellow ADHDers,

I just joined the site today. I might as well start the group out with a post. I feel it will be refreshing to discuss dealing with ADHD with others that can relate as my wife just tilts her head in confusion when I try to explain the jibberish that is my thought process. I have been working in the IT field for 20 years and only on a couple occasions have I NOT been miserable as it could not be less interesting to me, which makes it very hard to stay focused, motivated and up to date with technology.

What do you guys do?

#2

Hi Harry,

Though I don't think I have ADD?ADHD, I do think I'm at least a little dyslexic, and have put myself in some tight spots at work and with my personal checkbook at various times of my life by transposing numbers. Thankfully I can now bank on line and they do the work for me, that will keep me out of hot water!

My last job was in commission sales for furniture, before that I sold major appliances like washer/dryers, dishwashers, ranges and refrigerators. I loved it and did well, until that last time I was rear ended in the car, and besides that injury it was found I also had inherited autoimmune diseases, the primary one Psoriatic Arthritis. So I don't work any more, and miss it! It was very physically demanding being on your feet on concrete floors 12-14 hours a day!

It seems odd that you chose this profession and don't even like it! I guess it happens! I barely know how to turn on a computer, so I cannot imagine working in this field.

I'm glad you found us and joined and glad you posted!

Take care,

SK

#3

Harry,

You asked what we do...I am an educator of ADHD students. They usually also come with some other underlying co-morbidity as well. I have been a nurse for over 23 years and still keep my license active. My business is called Homeschool Classroom, Inc. and is a Full-Time Tutoring Program; students come here full time, Mon. - Fri. from 7a - 6p as needed, year-round.

I'm sorry you don't feel happy in your respective field; usually ADHDers are right at home with the entire IT field. Not one single point is left out The fact you don't understand throws a red flag for me. I'm going to check around on this. And choosing this profession although you didn't know how to turn on a computer is fascinating - definitely should be followed! may I have your permission to look over your case laws|

#4

Hi Harry,

You didn't say if you have a family, but I know, just up and leaving a job is easier said than done when you have financial obligations. Did you know you had ADHD when you chose your profession? If I had known, I would've chosen a completely different route...my own business in a creative line of work. What would you like to be doing?

I worked as a nurse for 30 years and was, also, miserable, but not because it wasn't interesting. My problem was the stress of working in chaos and trying to concentrate, knowing I could not make a mistake & that everything had to be done right now. Taking care of the patients was the easy part, but documentation kept me late every day and I would always forget something. I was finally fired for being late too often during a time when my family was going through somewhat of a crisis & I was having trouble sleeping & pulling it together in the morning.

About a year ago I started working at IKEA part time for extra $ and I'm now in the process of losing my job again due to tardiness. I have recently moved & it seems that whenever there's a transition in life or something out of the ordinary going on, I completely lose my balance. I am chronically late for everything.

I am trying now to do something from home. Hopefully, my creativity will allow me to sell some homemade products on ETSY. Time clocks are not good for ADHD'rs.

#5

Hello everyone. Thanks for replying.
I got into the I.T field really out of desparation. I was 27 and had every job you can have and really had no direction. Conputers was the big thing and I knew a coiple of people that went to school for a short time and had jobs waiting for them. So I said why not and went to a school in NJ called Chubb Institute which inspite of its silly name had a good reputation. After 6 months I was graduated and working at UPS as a helpdesk technician. In the mid and late 90s the opportunities were plenty for IT folks. I became obsessed with the opportinity to make great money. within a few years I was making more money than I thought I ever would. The money made me overlook the fact that i really had no interest in the texhnology side. I tried twice to start my iwn company as a recruiter finding jobs for other techys but when business got rough I jumped back into the field. I have been in the field for 20 years and have switched jobs 11 times. The problem is I can get by and “fake it” for a while but at some point I will feel trapped and feel like I have to make a move before they realize I dont know what the hell I am doing. I am actually looking into making a switch to selling mortgages. We wil see what happens. I am sure this is a lit of rambling, byt thats what we do!:slight_smile:

#6
Forgot to answer the family question. I am married for 12 years. And no kids just 2 little cavalier king Charles that we treat like kids. We have 2 homes and i think the financial stress of 2 mortgages is part of why my glass house is starting to crack.
#7

Hey Harry!

Good to see you again! :)

I've worked in a WIDE Variety of jobs myself... None of them have been something I think I could do long-term. My current job is working from home, which I thought would be great with it's flexible schedule and actually higher pay-rate than the same job in town. Unfortunately, I am beginning to wonder if the isolation, and being left on my own for discipline and motivation is a good idea... I read all these articles on how to find the perfect job if you're an adult with ADHD, but there hasn't been any that have pointed me in a direction that works. After taking multiple apptitude tests and "what's the career for you" type questionaires, my results have been "you belong in management", "advertising", "creative", "strong personal skills", "outgoing", and so on. Well, I have been in management, and did love it, until I didn't anymore, same with advertising, and bartending, and sales, and non-profit organizations, and interior decorating and many more career choices. I would love to get paid to do my art, building furniture, or working with kids, etc. (all my loves), but that's not the case. Ha!

About the only advise I can offer is to try to do your job, but to keep it to work hours (if that's possible! LOL) and to pursue other interests outside of work. I always feel better at work after I've done something I love. Almost like I have a view of "I can't do the stuff I love without the paycheck", so it's a means to an end and doesn't define me.

Also, I would ask yourself, "Do I really NEED that 2nd house?" Whenever I've felt I'm only working to stay afloat, and not towards something I love, it makes it all the more unbearable.

I don't know all the particulars, but from what I gathered I hope I've helped? I tried! HA!

BTW, thanks for that link to BPD with that football player! I meant to answer back, but forgot... uhg!

Your ADHD Friend,

Jessica

#8


AMEN, SISTER!!! Timeclocks are NOT our Friend!! I've had similar problems as you with work. Although I really was rarely late to work (just to everything else), but I tend to speak my mind, definitely don't have a filter! Been working on it... I usually don't fit into the molds that they expect or want, I don't allow people to belittle me or anyone else, and if something isn't right or fair I have a VERY hard time keeping it in. I don't play politics well at all! To say the least... HA!

Thanks,

Jessica

adhdgrownup said:

Hi Harry,

You didn't say if you have a family, but I know, just up and leaving a job is easier said than done when you have financial obligations. Did you know you had ADHD when you chose your profession? If I had known, I would've chosen a completely different route...my own business in a creative line of work. What would you like to be doing?

I worked as a nurse for 30 years and was, also, miserable, but not because it wasn't interesting. My problem was the stress of working in chaos and trying to concentrate, knowing I could not make a mistake & that everything had to be done right now. Taking care of the patients was the easy part, but documentation kept me late every day and I would always forget something. I was finally fired for being late too often during a time when my family was going through somewhat of a crisis & I was having trouble sleeping & pulling it together in the morning.

About a year ago I started working at IKEA part time for extra $ and I'm now in the process of losing my job again due to tardiness. I have recently moved & it seems that whenever there's a transition in life or something out of the ordinary going on, I completely lose my balance. I am chronically late for everything.

I am trying now to do something from home. Hopefully, my creativity will allow me to sell some homemade products on ETSY. Time clocks are not good for ADHD'rs.

#9

Also, I meant to say this before... but forgot... HA!

I also have had that feeling of "faking it". I get scared that if they knew the "real me" that it would turn out really bad. I know that I'm really not as horrible as I sometimes think I am, but it's those 'sometimes' that make such an impact.

I tell myself that everyone there is probably faking it do some degree also. Life is a learning process, when it stops being a learning process - we're usually dead. :) I hope that comes out the way I mean it, not morbid or negative.

Anyway, try to change your outlook on your work and change your priorities to be the important things and work is somewhere down the list somewhere.

Fellow ADHD'er,

Jessica

Harry said:

Hello everyone. Thanks for replying.
I got into the I.T field really out of desparation. I was 27 and had every job you can have and really had no direction. Conputers was the big thing and I knew a coiple of people that went to school for a short time and had jobs waiting for them. So I said why not and went to a school in NJ called Chubb Institute which inspite of its silly name had a good reputation. After 6 months I was graduated and working at UPS as a helpdesk technician. In the mid and late 90s the opportunities were plenty for IT folks. I became obsessed with the opportinity to make great money. within a few years I was making more money than I thought I ever would. The money made me overlook the fact that i really had no interest in the texhnology side. I tried twice to start my iwn company as a recruiter finding jobs for other techys but when business got rough I jumped back into the field. I have been in the field for 20 years and have switched jobs 11 times. The problem is I can get by and "fake it" for a while but at some point I will feel trapped and feel like I have to make a move before they realize I dont know what the hell I am doing. I am actually looking into making a switch to selling mortgages. We wil see what happens. I am sure this is a lit of rambling, byt thats what we do!:)
#10

I know how hard it is to up and leave a job. I have 2 mortgages to pay so I do not up and leave by choice. I make a change when the walls are closing in and I know I can not stay at a place much longer. It is incredibly stressfull i envy people that have been at a job for 25 years and know it inside and out. I never get to that point with any job. It is horrible. I am at that point with my current job and the faking it is running out. I would love to do something else but there is not much I can do and make close to what i make.

#11

Harry,

Why do you have to make the same as you're making now? Isn't your sanity worth giving up some of those extra things? Like an extra house? Just asking... It would be a travesty if you spent the rest of your life miserable just to maintain an image, or to have stuff that you're too stressed out to really enjoy. You said you don't have any kids, so down-sizing wouldn't be too bad, right? Maybe you have other reasons why you're keeping two homes, I don't know. In my humble opinion, it may be worth looking at. Going over your finances with your wife and deciding what you both can live without, if only to take some of the burden off of you. I'm sure your wife would love for you to be happier too! :)

Just my thoughts,

Jessica

Harry said:

I know how hard it is to up and leave a job. I have 2 mortgages to pay so I do not up and leave by choice. I make a change when the walls are closing in and I know I can not stay at a place much longer. It is incredibly stressfull i envy people that have been at a job for 25 years and know it inside and out. I never get to that point with any job. It is horrible. I am at that point with my current job and the faking it is running out. I would love to do something else but there is not much I can do and make close to what i make.
#12

Has nothing to do with an image that is for sure. We live in North Jersey, but it has been my dream to have a house on the water down at the Jersey Shore for 10 years. We made that dream come true about 18 months ago buying a bayfront home. My wife works about 200 yards from our house in North Jersey, so hard for me to sell her on a 90 minute each way commute. About 3 months after closing on our shore house, I was laid off from a job. took me 3 months to find something new, unfortunately it was for about 25k less in total comp. That 25K is just about the cost of the 2nd mortgage. So it is killing me. The plan is to be down at the shore house full time at some point and renting the house in North NJ as we would not make money selling it at this point. My wife is looking for positions closer to the shore house. When we are renting the other house, it will cover the mortgage and I can take a step back financially. I do agree and I tell young people, set yourself up to not have to kill yourself to have the things that make you happy. Yes it is worth my sanity, but what do I do?? I have no idea. I mean we are in NJ, even if you want 1 home you better make 100k minimum as a couple. I am going to give selling Mortgages a shot. I am taking classes in a few weeks. We will see. I would rather have to work 2 jobs that I don't hate to make the same money as then work one job that I hate. Thanks for the advice.

#13

Hi Harry,

I completely understand! I was making assumptions, and I was wrong for that. :( SORRY! Iwas just filling in the blanks that were left. Is there any way you can rest your beach house for vacationers? I've stayed at peoples houses before by doing that. It's not a bad deal, because you can set the schedule when people are renting for vacations, etc to your schedule of when you want to go to your house. It's nice too because there isn't a long-term tenant and all. Maybe check it out and do some research on it. You can have them give deposits and all first and they pay upfront. Just a thought.

Jess

#14

That is definitely on the table. Hoping we don’t have to rent it but we will if we have to. I am determined to be fully transitioned to the mortgage lending by the fall. the corperate world has never been a place for me but i have made the most of it. I just see myself working for a long time still and I need to not hate what I do. Thanks for taking the time to respond!

#15

I can relate on the spouse not understanding ADD/ADHD.I have adult ADD.My boyfriend of 7 years is so uneducated on this subject ,its a same.He refers to me as “crazy”.He even had me believing him for years.But I decided to start researching this illness (because that’s what it is) recently. I’ve found so much new documentation.And especially dealing with my children. I use to deal so out of control and on edge with them.My oldest use to complain about how detached I was.Until I educated her on what I’d recently found.Now she has a better understanding. My boyfriend is a different story.Please share with me any knowledge you have discovered about educating spouses.

#16

Though I've once again been fired from my last job, I've been in sales management most of my life. There was a time when I found it interesting enough to stay focused but that never lasted for any real period of time. The longest I've held down a job was 2 1/2 years.

I was diagnosed with major depression in my 20s but was not diagnosed with ADD until a few years ago. I'm now 46.

With no education (didn't finish high school) and nothing but one failed job after another, I have no idea what's next for me and I'm once again figuring out how to start over. Not an easy thing to do at my age and with my financial debt.

Funny how I thought, at the time of my ADD diagnosis, that the medication would change everything. I'd be a productive member of society instead of having to constantly hide that I once again was working for a new company. The medication has certainly helped with organizational issues in my life but finding a new career path in which I "might" stay interested long enough to do more than pay off my debts, is a challenge on so many levels.

Wishing you all the strength necessary to put one foot in front of the other in a career that sounds as though it you'd rather stay in bed each morning.