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Not really ADHD related but need to decompress

#1

My son does have ADHD. As I have mentioned here before he also has kidney disease so we are unable to treat his ADHD the traditional way. Right now we are just trying to teach him how monitor himself. Like anyone, we have good days and bad days. Depending on how tired he is, how hungry he is and how overstimulated he is. He is not in public school - but that will change with high school next year. But I am not here for the ADHD…it is stressful but today I need to talk to some one, anyone, about the fact I may lose my precious boy. We are 18 months out of is kidney diagnosis and within the first 12 months they have doubled the blood pressure meds he takes. Why you may ask…because when your kidney’s are stressed it raises your blood pressure. Today we went for scans. We do this every so many months depending on blood work and BP. As he lay on the table and the tech positioned the wand on his right side I had everything I could do not to leave the room in sobs. In just so few months what appeared on the screen took my breath away. How had they grown and multiplied so fast? 14 years ago I found out I could not conceive. As heartbreaking as trying to get pregnant and each month finding out I wasn’t, finally finding out I couldn’t was almost a relief. I could stop trying. And then I was given the most precious gift a woman could ever get from another…I was chosen to be my E’s mother. After years of trying to get pregnant and filing out the paperwork, having home studies and background checks and all the waiting, I was finally given my precious gift. So, why, some one please tell me why, after all that can he be taken from me? How is it fair that I tired so hard and waited so long and now only 13 short years later I find myself scared beyond words that I am going to lose him. I don’t know what to do. The fact that he has no outward symptoms means people don’t understand how sick he really is. He doesn’t understand how sick he really is. He thinks I am mean when I won’t let him eat what he wants because of the sodium content. When really that is the only thing I have control over with this disease; what he eats. How am I supposed to go through each day like nothing is wrong? Where do I find the strength to keep going? People say that they would sacrifice them selves to save another all the time…but the most heartbreaking feeling in the world is actually finding out how it feels to mean it.

#2

Hi E’s mom first I am very sorry to hear this. As a mom of three I can imagine how you feel. But something in my heart is saying it’s going to be ok. I feel that he wss your miracle baby once and he will again be your miracle baby. I cannot tell you how to go on. I can only tell you to have faith and hold on. Be strong for E. When I read or hear stories like this I always say God please not me, im too weak I don’t know how people can do it. If I had to say, I would say allow yourself to cry, be angry for a minute. My pastor has always said it’s ok to tell God your angry even if it’s at him. But something tells me E is going to be ok. Ask God for the strength. I’ll say a prayer for you and your family .sorry if this wasn’t helpful but I feel God is saying E is going to make it

#3

Thank you LaToya! I find myself crying a lot. I know they say God only gives you what you can handle, but right now I feel a bit overloaded! I hope that you are right and he lives a long happy life.

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#4

Gm! I just joined and this is my first reply. I’m so sorry to hear your story. I was just about to really vent as hubby and I feel so over stressed that I feel the strife in our marriage over our 6yr boy w/ADHD but also has ODD. Suddenly reading your story makes me feel like I shouldn’t feel this way; that my story could be worse. I can’t imagine your pain. I do truly understand your questions. I had similar questions when trying to conceive and had 2 miscarriages. I still question why I lost the first two n don’t have answers. I prayed so much. I dont know if advising you to pray, try simple yoga for meditation may help you at least reach a point of some tranquility that you’re not alone to some degree. Find comfort in knowing I’ll pray for your fortitude to endure and not waver during this trial. Stay strong. Women are warriors. If you have come this far, that means you’ve been so strong. You’ve got this. God bless you.

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#5

Thank you…prayers are always welcome. We take each day at a time and hope for the best.